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The Dawn and Drew Barn Foosball championships: Soccergirl VS. Nintendofreak

“What is it about our reflected self that it plays by such counterintuitive rules?”

According to a mind blowing puzzle of an article from the science times, I’m twice as big as I thought! So, actually, 300 won’t be my last episode. It’ll be the end of an era in which Soccergirl, Inc. is my everything. The new show is still coming and that’ll be my focus from 300 on but I just can’t kill my baby. So, I’ll still post SG, Inc. episodes when my little heart desires, maybe once every few weeks or so. You better all stay subscribed and shit. Sorry for the confusion. I feel so much better. A stupid couple of asshole puke tunes named Keith and the Girl stabbed a knife into my honest bleeding heart for the purposes of entertainment. Thanks guys. I wrote a teeny little song about it. Ryan has a troubling passenger on his left nut. If you have suggestions for how he might proceed, please comment below. We’re going to see Dawn and Drew again and I’m learning how to spin fire. Thank you, me stinkin’ hearties, for all the wonderful audio comments. One love!

Use the codes SG1, SG2 and SG3 at Godaddy.com and save money on all kinds of stuff.

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Are you a true believer?

– Want to help spread the word about the show? Download the flyer here.

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Click here to watch

This is a short film in three parts:

• Anorectal Bleeding

  In new age queen Lauren Hay’s famous 1976 book Heal Your Body she charts the probable metaphysical causes of certain ailments including leprosy.

• Bartending

  I just got home from work and I am one exhausted meatball.

• To a Bear, What is Reality?

Use the codes SG1, SG2 and SG3 at godaddy.com and save money.

Write to me: soccergirlincorporated@gmail.com.

Vote for the show at podcastalley.com!

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“The patient typically finds himself impelled by some deep, inner conviction that something is true, or right, or virtuous: a conviction that doesn’t seem to owe anything to evidence or reason, but which, nevertheless, he feels as totally compelling and convincing. We doctors refer to such a belief as ‘faith’.” — Richard Dawkins

It turns out some fuckin’ bitch-ass motherfuckers beat me to the Richard Dawkins rap mother fuckin’ punch, yo. An email from Mark in San Francisco. The lyrics to “Dick Lover” (for those of you who want to know what the fuck I’m even talking about ever). When in doubt, assume I’m kidding. A song-in-progress. A new game-plan for the future and A NEW VIDEO PODCAST. It’s been three years and almost 300 episodes and I think it’s time for a little reinvention. What do you think, guys? Ryan P. stops in with some shit including the Fort Bragg Debacle (see below for a link). A quote of the week. Empire Blue Cross and the Healthy New York Program, SUCK BALLS. Etc., etc. I love you.

There’s dew on the grass of your face, like the dew on the grass.

And here’s my Fuck Fox News video. Just for fun.

SOCCERGIRL’S LIVE BALTICON PERFORMANCE INFORMATION AND PANELS:

Live Soccergirl, Incorporated
Sunday, 11:00 PM Chesapeake Room

I will also be performing in the Live Geologic Podcast
Sunday, 6:00 PM Chesapeake Room

Panels:
Promoting Yourself
Friday, 9:00 PM Chesapeake Room
I’m the moderator for this one.

Don’t Be That Guy: Advice From the Women of New Media
Sunday, 2:00 PM Chesapeake Room

Podcasting 102 – How do I make my own?
Sunday, 3:00 PM Belmont Room

Learn more about Balticon here.

Hope to see you!

Find out how you can help ameliorate the Soccergirl, Inc. book situation by harassing Amazon.com here. If you copy me with your letter I will celebrate it in the show, and in my pussy, amen.

Leave an audio comment at: 206-600-4SEX

Are you a true believer?

Shout outs, show notes, ephemera:

In the PO Box:

– Jordi in Barcelona actually sent us a bunch of stuff from Cien de Cine. Sorry for the mistake!

You can send stuff to our PO Box too!
Soccergirl, Inc.
PO Box 505
Germantown, NY 12526

– The Fort Bragg debacle.

– Soccergirl on wired.com.

– Want to help spread the word about the show? Download the flyer here.

Download the show here sucka:

Soccergirl, Incorporated’s Goliath Bird-Eating Spider.

Apparently Podshow has changed its name from “Podshow” to “Mevio,” because podcasting just sounds free. I’m hoping this doesn’t cause any problems but if you see problems please let me know so that I can tell Podshow… I mean… Mevio… It’s me video! I went for a glorious walk at Clermont. Ryan is in kickass shape from all the interval cardio. Eventually the paradigm will shift and evolution will be accepted by everyone… it’s like a square wheel. Move slow, move slow, move slow and then BAM! Pivot over the corner. Working at the bar is both great and hard… I’m trying to make myself a member of a new clan. I’m trying to find my niche. I think I’m the weisenheimer. Stuff from Ryan and Jordi in the PO Box. Spiders are basically monsters and imagine if they were this big! Certain spiders eat birds like the Goliath Bird Eating Spider (and if that’s not a monster, monsters are worse than I thought). I think I was convinced by Ben Stein and his movie Expelled which contends that Darwin’s theory contributed to the Nazi Holocaust, communism, atheism and Planned Parenthood. Yeah, I was totally convinced.

SOCCERGIRL’S LIVE BALTICON PERFORMANCE INFORMATION COMING SOON. In the meantime, learn about Balticon in general, here.

Find out how you can help ameliorate the Soccergirl, Inc. book situation by harassing Amazon.com here. If you copy me with your letter I will celebrate it in the show, and in my pussy, amen.

Leave an audio comment at: 206-600-4SEX

Are you a true believer?

Shout outs, show notes, ephemera:

– Some more about Goliath Bird Eating Spiders and their Urticating Hair.

In the PO Box:

– Jordi in Barcelona sent us a bunch of stuff from Cine de Cine.

– Ryan sent us The Topless Guide to Bartending which I’m really excited about (with my pussy).

You can send stuff to our PO Box too!
Soccergirl, Inc.
PO Box 505
Germantown, NY 12526

– Ben Stein’s stupid movie, entitled: Expelled.

– Soccergirl on wired.com.

– My trip to the Galapagos!.

– Want to help spread the word about the show? Download the flyer here.

Download the show here sucka:

I was just packin’ up some merch. How ’bout them 49ers. This is my nutshell. If you get the newsletter then you already know about the amazon.com situation. If you don’t get the newsletter, you can sign up here. Here’s the story:

As you probably know, after nearly a year of a fingers-to-the-bone style writing frenzy, in February I finally finished Notes From My Underpants and have been excitedly hopping through the post production process since then. Initially, we were talking about a release date in June and I was setting the gears in motion for a balls out marketing blitz and reading tour, a new website, a new me. Then I received word we’d probably have to delay until July and I was a little disappointed, but still okay. After a year of bleeding all over My Underpants (and not in a period way) a month seemed a pittance. More time with the balls out (marketing and otherwise). More time for gathering my loving army (and by that I mean you) for an opening day buy-out to rival that of the master (and by that I mean Scott Sigler). No prob, self. Things are good…

That was when Amazon.com dropped a stinker right in my bowl.

Turns out Amazon and Book Surge are fucking with Lightning Source, the publisher/printer for Podshow Press (and other publisher/printers, worldwide).

Check it out:

(From Writersweekly.com)

“Amazon.com purchased BookSurge, a small POD publisher/printer back in 2005. Amazon also lists and sells titles for the largest POD printer, Lightning Source, which is owned by Ingram (the large book distributor). According to their website, Lightning Source serves more than 4,300 publisher clients and has more than 400,000 titles in their system.

You’d think Amazon’s purchase of BookSurge might have made things a bit uncomfortable between the two companies. However, they continued to work together, getting books on demand to Amazon.com’s loyal customers. Things appeared to be cruising along just fine, but perhaps not anymore.

Reports have been trickling in from the POD underground that Amazon/BookSurge representatives have been approaching some Lightning Source customers, first by email introduction and then by phone (nobody at BookSurge seems to want to put anything in writing). When Lightning Source customers speak with the BookSurge representative, the reports say, they are basically told they can either have BookSurge start printing their books or the ‘buy’ button on their Amazon.com book pages will be ‘turned off.’”

Here is a link to the whole article.

…

So where does this leave Notes From My Underpants? That’s a damn good question. Podshow is still committed to publishing it but this Amazon development might delay things for weeks. Weeks, I say!

Amidst gossamer dreams of the day when I would have a collection of pages between two hearty covers to bequeath upon my loving army (you!), I clung to the summer release with my bone fingers. And now, with spring rolling in and summer on its heels, as I juice myself for show ideas and bartend into the wee hours, I feel a rimy anger a’swirlin’ in my soccerheart.

Exactly who do you think you are, Amazon.com!? You think you can fuck with Soccergirl and her loving army? Think again, dick lickers!

Here’s what YOU can do to help ME get this book to YOU before the end of time. Write a pissed off note to the slovenly puke tunes over at amazon.com and if you copy it to me at soccergirlincorporated@gmail.com I will celebrate it and you on the show (and in my pussy), amen.

The names of Amazon’s Officers and Directors are here.

Amazon’s Investor Relations Team email address:
ir@amazon.com.

Amazon’s mailing address:
Amazon.com, Inc.
P.O. Box 81226
Seattle, WA 98108-1226

Thanks, guys. I will be sure to keep you updated as this ass clincher unfolds. Eww.

Love,
Soccergirl

In other news… not only will I be attending Balticon, a four-day convention extravaganza in Baltimore (May 23-26), I will be performing at Balticon! This will be the first live Soccergirl performance in a long time and I’m SO EXCITED!! Find out all about Balticon at Balticon.org, and if you’re in the Baltimore area, come party! Performing with me at Balticon will be the one and only George Hrab, beauty of beauties and beast of my heart. Check him out at: geologicpodcast.com. Lastly, the nematode worm and a new story called “The Many Men After My Father.”

Leave an audio comment at: 206-600-4SEX

Are you a true believer?

Shout outs, show notes, ephemera:

– Want to help spread the word about the show? Download the flyer here.