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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

You know what? I don’t give a rat’s fuck. It comes out of our butts. It’s brown. Now here’s what you didn’t know about poop. I don’t feel bad for using the word retarded for the willfully slow. Vaccines: they’re safe. Get one. But obviously chiropractors can manipulate your antibodies with magic. We live in an age with the internet. Please just search for things and read about them. For fuck’s sake, use your fucking brain. If you’re not retarded, you have no excuse. UK John with brilliant corresponding.
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The day we got engaged was an actual official disaster for everyone else. I hope that kind of luck is the kind we have forever (see below). With marriage you lose yourself but you gain a slave. Poor little Bruce has been recently neutered and I bet you just can’t wait to hear all about it. A little discussion of cat perception. It turns out cat’s do have barbed penises. It’s a perfect example of sexism in our world that a guy can be named guy but I’ve never met a girl named girl. UK John again who just saved the children before putting them back in the safe. Does this post look to anyone else like a spam email?

I suggest you make a swine flu house out of sticks cause then you can blow that house down.

How did life on earth begin?

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It’s my birthday! I put out a call on Facebook and Twitter (Soccergirl) for birthday messages and I got so many! Thank you to everyone who called including: J.C. Hutchins, Rhino, The Nintendo Freak, Matthew Wayne Selznick, Scott Sigler, Drew Domkus, Eliza (my sister), Jake (my brother), Paul Blann .com, Ryan’s family, Chris Cremens, Arkle, Icepick and so many more! Thank you for making this the best birthday ever. A martini should always be up. It’s like if you order a Smurf and you want a red smurf… you have to specify. In other news, how many preemies does it take to beat a regular? I hate preemies, they’re diabolical and they can suck it. Leave an audio comment: 206.203.4920. Write me an email: soccergirlincorporated@gmail.com. Visit the forums: http://soccergirl.ning.com. I love you!

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Bible, Bible
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do when they point out your inconsistencies?

Jake (my brother) and Eliza (my sister) are in town to accompany me and Ryan to the Phish show at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. A new songlet, the single-payer option, horse fucking, Science Bruce and his fleas, the Kindle, etc.

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We got a new cat named Science Bruce. New cats are sometimes called kittens.

Gettin’ ice cream from the ice cream man and a deep tan from the sonny son oh yeah and a backpack tank of ice cold 2 oh and I’m ready to go ca-catch a K.O.

Startin’ out with some lyrical beds laid all up on Kevin Willis stylings. Ryan and Bruce are in love, despite Ryan’s innate cleanliness preferences. I’m just gonna jump around because it’s been too long since I talked to you guys and I’m just goin’ for it. My dad was just visiting. He’s a specialist on Dissociative Disorder (otherwise known as Multiple Personality Disorder). In other news, I finished my Genetics class and did very well. I just got a new job as the marketing director of an internet hosting and web-conferencing company. But I’m still going to crow-bar the show into my very grown-up life. UK John stops in. My idea for an art installation which I am absolutely doing. Baudrillard’s Simulacra and Simluation. Bruce’s first experience with catnip. A new story called, “Indoor Cat.” I missed you!

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My genetics summer, 2009. A song about what I’ve been learning. Ryan and I are both big girls now because we had our first day of school. The ins and outs of the publishing industry (which is more interesting than it sounds). DNA, that pretty little devil. My apologies for taking such a long time to get you entertained. NEW GODADDY CODES: SG5, SG6 and SG7. Use them today, tomorrow and forever, amen. In other news, I won a Blackberry Bold from The Business Cast! Another in what I fear might be a somewhat regular series of rants about libertarianism with an email from Clay. Call the new audio comment line: 206-203-4920. Oh and, after Ryan explained it, I finally get that joke.

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SG5: 10% off any order.
SG6: $5 off orders of $30 or more.
SG7: .com domains for only $7.49.